This begins as a follow-up to Monday’s post How To Have Socially Anxious Sex In 4 Easy Steps, then pretty quickly devolves into something much less organized and much more personal.
The post was very well received, both here and on Instagram.
On Instagram, many women messaged me privately to thank me for bringing up the topic (social anxiety + sex) and to share a glimpse into their experiences.
One (gentle) critique I received was that the post was more superficial and less candid/personal than my usual style.
And that’s true.
I was testing the waters with the topic, so I stayed in the shallow end.
Now that I’m pretty sure there are no sharks in the deep end, I may open up more about how social anxiety has impacted my sex life and sexuality.
The role of partners
One comment that came up among people with partners is that their partners struggled to understand how and why social anxiety was connected to sex. I definitely see a post in there.
Presence in intimate relationships
Another comment was that it was somewhat surprising that social anxiety would be present in such an intimate relationship. I think it just reinforces the fact that this is a disorder, ever-present in a person’s life. Another post idea there.
I haven’t mentioned this anywhere before, but years ago, I truly thought sex education was my calling.
I thought about starting a sexual health and wellness blog and looked into what it means to be a sex educator.
I didn’t pursue it… in retrospect, I think social anxiety stood in my way.
But I’ve always had an open-minded, accepting philosophy toward sex and sexuality, and I still like the idea of being someone people feel comfortable talking to about this sort of thing.
But let’s not get carried away
As much as I think the intersection of sex and social anxiety is fascinating, I don’t plan on making any major pivots to focusing only on this topic.
Random but related
I’ve had a post idea brewing in the back of my mind.
It would be called 10 Things You’ll Hate About Me, and it would be a list of things I don’t tell most people about myself, primarily because social anxiety (fear of judgment and rejection) holds me back.
I’m mentioning it here because sexuality and my beliefs in that area would make the list.
But I’ve also been mulling over the difference between being candid versus being indiscreet. Being vulnerable versus being TMI.
And I also want to be sure I have the right motivations for such a post: would I be sharing all this to challenge myself to show up as MYSELF more, or would I be doing it as a sort of approval seeking — almost daring people to reject me so that I can stop waiting for the day it happens naturally?
Do I feel like I need to lay my soul bare before I can be accepted as myself… and before *I* can accept myself?
These are the things I think about when I am thinking too much about too many things.
Social anxiety and perfectionism tend to keep me quite buttoned-up and proper in how I approach things. All things. Every thing.
On my blog, I write candidly in terms of content, but I do it in a structured, heavily edited, hugely overthought kind of way.
Rather than just sharing the day to day stuff.
Which is fine. Not every blogger does journal-style posts, and variety is the spice of life.
But what kind of blogger would I be if I wasn’t so worried about “blogging the right way according to YouTube videos that I binge watch as a substitute for confident self-direction”?
“Tidy outfit” Blogging versus “comfy tee and jeggings” Blogging
I candidly share my carefully packaged thoughts — but I don’t share the self-questioning process behind those posts. And maybe that would be interesting to share.
You see the written equivalent of me dressed for the day, outfit carefully chosen, and hair brushed and straightened.
But what would it look like if I shared the written equivalent of everything before that point? When I’m getting ready, talking myself up for things, walking around in comfy clothes?
Consistency is not my forte
I seem to go back and forth and side to side on how I want to do things. The answer is probably in the grey area between extremes.
My perfectionist self hates acknowledging the grey area, even though my rational self knows that this is where healthy thinking lies.
And now we get down to the core of it
And I also know that more people from “real life” read my blog than do my Instagram posts.
I don’t want them to discover that I’m not as clever as I wish I was. Were. Am. Are’m… arm?
If I let my bloggy hair down, I might make spelling mistakes, say something that could potentially be misunderstood and criticized, or say something completely dull-headed.
OMG WHAT IF THEY ALREADY KNOW THAT I’M NOT AS CLEVER AS I WISH, BUT I DON’T KNOW THAT THEY KNOW, AND THEY DON’T KNOW THAT I WONDER IF THEY KNOW, AND ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN TRYING TO BE PERFECT WHEN THEY’VE ACTUALLY BEEN SEEING AND LIKING MY IMPERFECTIONS ALL ALONG.
And on that note of mental crystal clarity, I bid you good night.