I’m thinking things like:
- You’ve embarrassed yourself by oversharing.
- You’ve done your readers a disservice by not sharing more, or sharing the right stuff.
- Your posts are way too casual and informal. No one wants to read that. You should be doing things like “10 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety” and “Day in the Life of a Mom with Social Anxiety.”
- But don’t do posts like that either, because they are way too commercial and it’ll look like you’re trying too hard to grow your readership with “clickable” titles.
- Stop talking about social anxiety so much. It sounds like that’s all you think about.
- But don’t talk about anything else either, because you need to stay in your niche, otherwise people won’t know what to expect from you.
- You should take more time to write thoughtful, articulate pieces.
- But don’t look like you’re trying to sound smarter than you are.
- Share more. Your experiences can help people.
- You share too much. You’re not an expert. No one wants to read about another’s person’s challenges. They have enough of their own.
- How can you be inspiring if you continue to struggle?
- How can you be consistent if your mood fluctuates and you can’t follow a plan unless it “feels” right in the moment?
- You should write more about mom life and parenting.
- But you don’t know anything about that either.
- You share too much about your kids.
- You take too long to reply to comments.
- You’ve fallen out of the habit of commenting on other blogs. People have noticed and they feel like you don’t care about them. Why would they read you if they think you don’t read them?
- You need to show up on your blog even when it’s hard.
- But it’s hard every day right now.
- Don’t be too depressing or you’ll make things worse for your readers instead of helping them.
- You’re trying too hard to make “perfect” and polished posts. This is not a magazine. Just post what’s on your mind.
- But you’re embarrassed about what’s on your mind and if you’re honest about how insecure you feel about everything, then everyone will know how vulnerable you are, and no one will come to you for encouragement or advice.
Mental health check-in
My mental health and mood are a jumbled mess right now. We’re happy and healthy and safe, and I am grateful for that.
The “permission to hermit” of this pandemic appeals to my social anxiety and introversion.
But that means being in mom mode 24/7, which means very little time alone to think… and that is clashing with my introvert needs for extensive periods of solitude.
Happiness set point
I heard a term years ago that stuck with me. It’s called hedonic adaptation, or the hedonic treadmill. According to Wikipedia, it “involves a happiness “set point”, whereby humans generally maintain a constant level of happiness throughout their lives, despite events that occur in their environment.”
I feel like my happiness set point is fixed at around “pretty happy but often quite anxious and irritable.” Or, in meteorological terms, “cloudy with brief moments of sunshine.”
And no matter how hard I try, how much I work on my personal development and mental health, I will inevitably re-calibrate to my set point as soon as I let my guard down or life throws me a curve ball.
I feel like no matter how good I have it, I’ll always find a way to feel like I’m struggling at least a bit. And the guilt from this realization makes everything worse.
Break time is over
And that’s pretty much all I’ve got today, because the kiddos’ screen time has ended, and I need to pee, and make coffee, and pretend to be a baby chameleon.
I have an amazing life and a wonderful family.
I curse my hedonic treadmill. And myself, too, for not being strong enough to change my set point.
Thanks for reading, you guys.
P.S. In the feature photo above, I am lying on a stuffed stegosaurus. Because of course I am.