Facing My Fear of Talking on Video

I’ve been getting viddy with it.

I’m having complete blogger’s block today, so I thought I would share 3 videos from the past week that I shared on Instagram. (Apologies if you follow me on both platforms and have seen these already.)

I want to share these on here because I feel like they capture many sides of the social anxiety experience:

  • The first one was filmed on a “really bad” anxiety day (that one was hard to film!).
  • The second one talks about shopping anxiety and compares my kids to drunk dinosaurs, and then features me coming back on to assure everyone that my kids are not, in fact, drunk. (Jesse tells me this was clearly a social anxiety safety behaviour, because anyone who thought I was actually giving my kids alcohol would be crazy.)
  • And the third one goes into perfectionism, which is something I haven’t written much about it on here, but plan to.

I hope you get something out of the videos! I’ll get my writer inspiration back for the next post. πŸ™‚

Filming on a “bad” anxiety day

It’s shaky and there’s an editing glitch partway through… but, fuck it, we’re doing it live. (Not really live.)

Mall anxiety, driving anxiety, and drunk dinos

Perfectionism… and Batman

This one has another glitch near the end where a segment plays twice in a row… gaaaah…. can I let this one go? Should I? Must I?! IT’S A VIDEO ABOUT PERFECTIONISM. Fuck. I have to let it stay as is. I know I do.

And just in case it’s on your mind as well — I do find it strange and surprising that I can talk so candidly on video. Imperfectly. With imperfect lighting and glitchy editing and all sorts of amateur-hour stuff.

But I’m doing it, finally. I’m committed to this messy process of learning and growth.

And I also feel like I’m committed to something bigger than me — I want to document real social anxiety and everything that comes with it, from many angles and content formats.

I want to help people feel less alone. I want to shed light on a very quiet condition — because how many people with social anxiety feel ready to share? I’m finally there, and I feel like it’s my duty and my privilege to share the journey.

I’m all in on this.

Apparently I’m feeling all lofty and impassioned today, after all. πŸ™‚


22 thoughts on “Facing My Fear of Talking on Video

  1. What you say here about bad social anxiety days makes me realise that my social anxiety is pretty constant. I have good and bad depression days and when my OCD was worse I had good and bad OCD days (now most days are good OCD days, although I do occasionally have bad ones), but every day is a potentially a bad social anxiety day, it’s just that some days I avoid more than others. OK, that’s a slight exaggeration, but I am not always good at forcing myself to go through with things to confront the social anxiety, so you should be pleased that you did the video blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for saying that and sharing about what’s it like for you. I don’t deal with OCD but I have heard that it can be debilitating at its worst.

      I definitely relate to the good and bad depression days. Sometimes I’ll call them high or low mood days.

      And it’s really hard to confront anxiety situations — I don’t always (often?) manage it either.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Imperfection is so much more interesting. I think I’d like to be a drunk dinosaur… especially if I could have Batman’s curvaceous rear end while I’m at it. And good on you for doing all these videos. Exposure can kick some avoidance ass (not to be confused with Batman’s junk in the trunk).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “Batman’s Junk in the Trunk” should absolutely be the name of a band, or song, or superhero-themed male strip club.

      And now that you mention it, being drunk T-Rex might actually be a good time. No inhibitions, no armreach, no problems!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done with the videos. They add a whole new dimension to your blogging. Very powerful to see a bad anxiety day “in action”. It must have taken a lot out of you to put that together and then put it out there. But it conveys the message so much more vividly. I was glad to see the peppy video the next day, though. Keep them coming. And I like the captions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was hoping they would add a new dimension! I couldn’t think of that word.

      The verdict seems to be a big yes for captions over on Instagram! I guess it makes it easier. And some people don’t use sound for Stories.

      Anxiety definitely has its ups and downs.

      I just got so tired of waiting to be “perfect” enough to share myself with other people.


  4. I just love how you felt you should come back and explain the drunk dinosaurs LOL! Also, I thought I would share one of my own “drunk” kid stories. My oldest is 10 and my kids don’t know what alcohol is either. One night he was acting a little crazy due to being over tired and he kept tripping on his own feet. I jokingly asked if he was drunk and his reply was “What!? No! I haven’t had a Pepsi in weeks!” Lol Anyway, hope you’re having an awesome week!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Perfectionism and being a writer/editor/translator must be challenging. We can related. Captions are helpful in the first video because your volume is low enough that it’s hard to hear. The other two videos’ volume was loud enough to follow. Are captions a way for you to assert what you think is important? That is, are they another double-check? Is it anxiety or perfection driven? If you have audience members with hearing loss, captions are probably a thing, but they’re not transcription captions; are they editorial? Curious…

    You are brave and the filter looked different. We would always prefer to see you as you are, and how you want to be seen matters. How’s that for a non-answer?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is totally not a non-answer! I loved it. Who says an either has to be black or white, yea or nay!

      And yes, you are SO. RIGHT. that working with words and clients while being a perfectionist is challenging. Second-guessing, going cross-eyed from re-reading, ruminating afterwards.

      And that’s without even getting into imposter syndrome!

      Thanks for the feedback on the sound/captions/filter. πŸ™‚ Instagram users seem to enjoy captions, because I think a lot of people watch Instagram Stories with volume down. As for how to choose them… I find myself writing captions to half-emphasize the main point, and half-clarify my rambling haha.

      Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness πŸ₯°

      Liked by 1 person

        1. πŸ’™ it kind of baffles me too. I think the reason I can do it just goes to show that social anxiety is not a personality trait. Because lots of people without social anxiety wouldn’t even want to do video — but I, with social anxiety, do. Headscratcher.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. We all have so many traits. Maybe it’s a β€œboth and” situation. You can have social anxiety and be a million other things. Maybe you are acting so that no one thing defines you. Bravery shows

            Liked by 1 person

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