Hello and happy Friday!
Here’s what happened in the blushiverse this week:
Blog blog blog
- Two posts went up on the blog: 1) 6 Ways Social Anxiety Impacts My Self-Confidence and 2) Gettin’ Real Vulnerable & Thinky Up In Here (Also Sloths)
- You guys gave me a lot of great feedback on that second post, where I asked for your thoughts on the kind of content you’d like, and I shared a bit about the vision I have for this blog. Thank you!!! I think the general consensus is to keep on keepin’ on, and develop my voice as I go.
- So I’m going to keep doing my thing, and also let myself get a little more experimental with some of the topics and aesthetics. It’s a good time to do it, this early in the game!
Believe It or Not!
- We took the kids to Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto for James’ 5th birthday. There’s enough anxiety content there for its own post, but it was also a great time!
- Oh also Jesse fat-shamed a shark at the aquarium and I am still unpacking my feelings about this.
- After a deeply emotional therapy session this week, I’m finally able to articulate the “function” of anxiety in my body and mind. The analogy is bracing. It’s kind of like when the doctor is applying pressure in certain places to find out what hurts. As you feel them getting close to where it hurts, your body tenses up, bracing against the pain.
- On an emotional level, I think anxiety is my way of bracing against… something. Fear, pain, disappointment, the unpredictability of life?
Body anxiety: a new challenge
- I’ve realized that while I find it fairly easy to be open about social anxiety, it is MUCH scarier to be open and vulnerable about body image. Which I find kind of weird. I’m still processing.
- I think it’s because I’ve done therapy focused on anxiety, so I have tools to think about it in a healthy way. With body image and eating, there has been very little formal recovery.
- Most of the progress I’ve made has been thanks to social media accounts that focus on body positivity, body neutrality, and intuitive eating, as well as books and podcasts on those topics.
- That said, it still falls within the boundaries of what I feel safe sharing, and because I am trying to explore and soften the areas where I tend to “brace,” I decided to REALLY step outside my comfort zone yesterday: I posted a picture of the area of my body I am MOST insecure about:
- Yeah. Mommy tummy. It’s pretty tame and I don’t show the whole Area of Angst, but you know, baby steps.
- I’m not saying this area is objectively ugly. I don’t trust the combination of my eyes and brain to comment on my own body, really.
- I know I didn’t have to post that. But I wanted to. I want to face my fears, and social media is a pretty great testing ground for both social anxiety and body image stuff.
Candidness versus TMI
- I’ve been musing about the difference between being candid and going TMI.
- It’s probably something that a lot of bloggers/creators/sharers think about at some point, with each individual drawing the line wherever they feel safe.
- Presumably with some occasions where they share something that they realize after the fact crosses their own line. But ain’t that the way it is with boundaries? (I can’t get away with saying ain’t. Maybe “eh,” but not ain’t.)
- I think my TMI threshold is pretty high (and I know at least one reader feels un-TMI-able — hey Ashley!). So I’ll be as open as I can be.
- But, like, we’ll probably never get to the point where we pee with the door open in front of each other, guys. (Except you, Jesse. You put a ring on it so you get to hear me tinkle.) (But we draw the line at peeing.) (Okay, and pimple-popping.) (Peeing and pimple-popping. But THAT’S IT.) (Shark shamer.)
Look he really did, okay? I have proof:
And finally, a quick story:
The kids have an after-bathtime ritual where they shout, “Everybody! Hide in your shell!” and then crouch into a little ball on the floor with their towels on top of them (as shells).
(They started doing this after seeing the movie Epic.)
Yesterday, they asked me to do it with them. But I was dressed, so I said, “But I don’t have a shell!”
And Olivia pointed at my body and said, “THIS is your shell!”
And it was just a little too real for me at that moment.