Weekly Update 4: My Husband Fat-Shames Sharks & My Daughter Knows Too Much

weekly update 4: my husband fat-shames sharks and my daughter knows too much

Hello and happy Friday!

Here’s what happened in the blushiverse this week:

Blog blog blog

  • You guys gave me a lot of great feedback on that second post, where I asked for your thoughts on the kind of content you’d like, and I shared a bit about the vision I have for this blog. Thank you!!! I think the general consensus is to keep on keepin’ on, and develop my voice as I go.
  • So I’m going to keep doing my thing, and also let myself get a little more experimental with some of the topics and aesthetics. It’s a good time to do it, this early in the game!

Believe It or Not!

  • We took the kids to Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto for James’ 5th birthday. There’s enough anxiety content there for its own post, but it was also a great time!
“Curious about [that strained smile]? This exhibit is filled with roughly 360,000 litres of [self-consciousness]!”
  • Oh also Jesse fat-shamed a shark at the aquarium and I am still unpacking my feelings about this.

Anxiety is…

  • After a deeply emotional therapy session this week, I’m finally able to articulate the “function” of anxiety in my body and mind. The analogy is bracing. It’s kind of like when the doctor is applying pressure in certain places to find out what hurts. As you feel them getting close to where it hurts, your body tenses up, bracing against the pain.
  • On an emotional level, I think anxiety is my way of bracing against… something. Fear, pain, disappointment, the unpredictability of life?

Body anxiety: a new challenge

  • I’ve realized that while I find it fairly easy to be open about social anxiety, it is MUCH scarier to be open and vulnerable about body image. Which I find kind of weird. I’m still processing.
  • I think it’s because I’ve done therapy focused on anxiety, so I have tools to think about it in a healthy way. With body image and eating, there has been very little formal recovery.
  • Most of the progress I’ve made has been thanks to social media accounts that focus on body positivity, body neutrality, and intuitive eating, as well as books and podcasts on those topics.
  • That said, it still falls within the boundaries of what I feel safe sharing, and because I am trying to explore and soften the areas where I tend to “brace,” I decided to REALLY step outside my comfort zone yesterday: I posted a picture of the area of my body I am MOST insecure about:
View this post on Instagram

I have NEVER posted a photo of my post-babies tummy and never thought I would. . But hiding it hasn't helped my confidence so I thought maybe I'd try some exposure (pun not intended but definitely appreciated) therapy instead. . We give SO MUCH POWER to numbers when it comes to our bodies. . We burn through so much energy agonizing over pounds and inches. . As a teen, I used to have a page in a journal (maybe more than one journal over the years) titled "My numbers." . And as a mom, my post-baby tummy has been a source of daily anxiety and stress and shame about my body. . Today I was thinking… maybe the only number that matters is ZERO. . All "my numbers" add up to ZERO because that is how little they matter in defining my value as a person. . And I say this knowing that I will still have days where I give ALL my power back to those numbers. . But maybe if I keep saying it, I'll start to believe it without having to work so hard at it. . Like this: . "I wonder how much I weigh right now." ZERO IMPORTANCE. . "Have I lost any inches around my—" NOT APPLICABLE. . "My pant size is–" DOES NOT MATTER. . For a long time, I wanted to actually weigh "essentially zero" and it led to very unhealthy eating patterns. . But maybe we can find a way to put a more positive spin on this idea of ZERO by changing it from a goal to a reminder. . A reminder that we matter in ways that cannot be defined by pounds and inches. . xoxo . . . . . . . . #imperfectlyperfect #stretchmarksarebeautiful #weallstruggle #normalizeallbellies #bodypositivity #bodyconfidence #bodyacceptance #bopo #bodyanxiety #nobodyshame #bodyconscious #bodyposi #selfesteem #numbersdontmatter #donttrustthescale #normalizenormalbodies #mombod #mommytummy #youremorethanyourbody #allbodiesaregoodbodies #everybodyisbeautiful

A post shared by Social Anxiety & Mom Life (@blushyginger) on

  • Yeah. Mommy tummy. It’s pretty tame and I don’t show the whole Area of Angst, but you know, baby steps.
  • I’m not saying this area is objectively ugly. I don’t trust the combination of my eyes and brain to comment on my own body, really.
  • I know I didn’t have to post that. But I wanted to. I want to face my fears, and social media is a pretty great testing ground for both social anxiety and body image stuff.

Candidness versus TMI

  • I’ve been musing about the difference between being candid and going TMI.
  • It’s probably something that a lot of bloggers/creators/sharers think about at some point, with each individual drawing the line wherever they feel safe.
  • Presumably with some occasions where they share something that they realize after the fact crosses their own line. But ain’t that the way it is with boundaries? (I can’t get away with saying ain’t. Maybe “eh,” but not ain’t.)
  • I think my TMI threshold is pretty high (and I know at least one reader feels un-TMI-able — hey Ashley!). So I’ll be as open as I can be.
  • But, like, we’ll probably never get to the point where we pee with the door open in front of each other, guys. (Except you, Jesse. You put a ring on it so you get to hear me tinkle.) (But we draw the line at peeing.) (Okay, and pimple-popping.) (Peeing and pimple-popping. But THAT’S IT.) (Shark shamer.)

Look he really did, okay? I have proof:

Moving on

And finally, a quick story:

The kids have an after-bathtime ritual where they shout, “Everybody! Hide in your shell!” and then crouch into a little ball on the floor with their towels on top of them (as shells).

(They started doing this after seeing the movie Epic.)

Yesterday, they asked me to do it with them. But I was dressed, so I said, “But I don’t have a shell!”

And Olivia pointed at my body and said, “THIS is your shell!”

And it was just a little too real for me at that moment.

Have an amazing (or at least reasonably un-shit — let’s not get too perky with our goals) weekend!

27 thoughts on “Weekly Update 4: My Husband Fat-Shames Sharks & My Daughter Knows Too Much

  1. people never see the every day effects.there views.judgements are very Snotty Nosed i have Panic
    attacts .ibs ..m.e .long list health issues .i take part in a lot lot research
    my blog,http;//mark-kent.webs.com
    twitter,supersnopper

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  2. Oooohhh Body Image and Eating are tough topics! I’ve only been able to write a teeny tiny bit about “safeish” body image topics: Eg having wavy hair and embracing it, being thin and how fatphobic society is, having adult cystic acne. Things that are “Okay” because there’s no photos of me on my blog, and my Instagram is private.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, having read your posts, I beg to differ on that — your posts are insightful and thoughtful. πŸ’™

      I’ve been thinking about thin privilege since I saw your comment. And I think we need to make room for “thin” people to discuss body image issues. Because yes, thin privilege may well be alive and real at the societal level, but eating disorders & body dysmorphia & body image issues don’t care about thin privilege and don’t discriminate by size.

      All this to say that I think people of all sizes can contribute to this big conversation. And I’d be all over reading your take on it if you decide to go there. 😚😚😚😚😚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw, thank you for the kind words! **blush** I’m trying to learn to accept kind words, and compliments without discounting them or minimising them.

        I agree that thin people need space to discuss body image issues too πŸ™‚ I think personally I feel “unqualified” because:

        1) My own body image issues are so tangled in my head with my gender identity issues. So when I feel I dislike my body, it’s really hard for me to untangle what’s behind it. Is it body image due to past body shaming? Or is because I may or may not be gender non binary? To be fair, trans friends have told me that cisgender people don’t feel their gender is “wrong”, even if they dislike how their body looks… but how do I even BEGIN to articulate the jumble that’s “my body feels wrong but I don’t know WHY” πŸ˜›

        2) Plus I’ve never struggled with an eating disorder and also never struggled with body dysmorphia.

        3) I’m nervous about offending people, or to unintentionally cause them to feel dismissed.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I relate to almost everything you just wrote. I know our backgrounds and life experiences are extremely different, but we seem to think and feel in similar ways (hello social anxiety again?).

          In your comment, I hear echoes of my own discounting the positive, imposter syndrome, confusion about self/identity/source, and of course worrying about offending!

          Just some thoughts to ramble at you for your points:

          1) body image + gender identity: that must be extremely tangled and confusion. I haven’t read up on it but I would guess that it is a very common combination — to be gender-questioning and have that tied in with body image issues.

          2) that’s fair, I totally hear you — but your previous point makes it super clear that you have a lot of insightful reflections and questions about body stuff, just from your own angle πŸ™‚

          3) suuuuuuuuuper relate to this one!!!!!!!!

          I really enjoy reading your writing and reflections — on your blog and in comments πŸ™‚

          Btw, is there a nickname I can use to address you? I asked another reader in a comment below (or above?) about names. I’m pretty sure you remain anononymous on your blog (which I FULLY understand given the content you want to be free to explore). Can I call you Hobbit? Skinny? hehe xoxoxo

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I didn’t used to have a huge problem with body image. I mean, I knew didn’t look like [I’m not actually sure what attractive men are supposed to look like, but name someone], but I didn’t feel bad about my body compared to the way I felt bad about my personality. Since going on clomipramine a number of years ago, my weight has ballooned, though, and now I’m overweight, which makes me miserable, even though my diet is reasonably healthy. And I can’t come off clomipramine, because it moves me from unbearable depression to somewhat bearable depression.

    I have been known to cut TMI stuff in comments and posts after the event, although it’s usually stuff that’s about other people that I cut, rather than myself. To some extent it’s shutting the door after the horse has bolted, as lots of people get email versions of posts and comments, which won’t be changed by an edit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m truly touched by your candid sharing. Do you share your name online? If so, I’d very much like to be able to address you by name πŸ™‚

      Men’s body image issues are truly under-discussed, at least in my experience. But there is just as much social/media pressure on men to look a certain way.

      I’m sorry to hear of the situation you’re in with the meds. Weight gain, which makes you miserable. But without meds, you’d be even more miserable. It must feel like you’re trapped. 😦 I don’t know clomipramine — is it an SSRI? My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for my depression. (Not making any suggestions about meds — just sharing.)

      Also I’m kind of relieved to hear I’m not the only one who does post-publication editing! I try to limit it to typos and clarifications, but it’s not always the case.

      I hope you had a nice weekend. Thank you again for sharing. xoxo

      Like

      1. No, I’m sorry, I don’t share my real name online any more.

        Clomipramine is a tricyclic, the very early generation antidepressants. I’d basically been through lots of SSRIs and other antidepressants without finding anything that helped in the long term.

        Yes, I also try not to edit post-publication too much, but occasionally I feel I’ve said something that I absolutely should not have said.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I get that feeling! I’ve heard it called a “vulnerability hangover.”

          Thanks for the info on clomipramine. I like to learn.

          And no worries about the name. Some other bloggers/readers use a nickname or pen name, so I was just curious about whether there was a way I could address you, since you comment often (which I SO appreciate!!!!). πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, we want to know about kelp! (your photo)

    Wow, lot’s going on. Sounds like you have a worth-the-price-of-admission therapist, too.

    Brave Insta post: You hosted life inside that tummy! Wonderful, miraculous, beautiful site!

    One of our T’s says that if a topic makes you uncomfortable, there’s probably gold to be mined there. So talking about body image sounds productive and fruitful. –Hugs and support

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment made me smile when I got the DING! that it had come in. Finally getting a chance to reply now. πŸ™‚

      Thank you for your kind kind words about my life-hosting tummy. It warms my heart to be reminded to think of it that way.

      And your T’s comment about uncomfortable topics is SO valuable. You’re right. There is a LOT to unpack in the body image realm.

      Thanks for reading and commenting you guys and gals πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You have really touched on something here. I don’t think I’ve seen this much reaction to one of your blog topics. Some really interesting, and eye-opening, observations by you and in the comments. Maybe this is something you need to unwrap and explore a little more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks πŸ™‚ I felt so, too. It generated in-depth, really honest conversations in the comments. And it felt good to be able to write about it, even if I’m not as well-informed about how to manage or treat body image and eating issues.

      Like

  6. Words just can not describe how much I enjoy reading your posts LOL I mean, where else can you go to for all this in one post?? And I can honestly say I’ve never known anyone to fat-shame a shark before πŸ˜€ As for TMI, don’t worry so much about what others are thinking (I know, easier said than done) and if you make some waves and get a few over sensitive people upset, then you know you’re on to something good!

    Liked by 1 person

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