Today’s post was inspired by Caz’s informative series on the topic (cognitive distortions, not jaws of death). Check out her post on 10 thinking errors of depression that could be ruining your life. She has follow-up posts on the same topic as well!
Welcome to your brain gone wonky
When I was doing my cognitive-behavioural therapy program for social anxiety, we learned about cognitive distortions, or, as one psychotherapist I used to see called them, “wonky thinking.”
One way of understanding cognitive distortions is to imagine looking at the world through a negative filter, where you see a warped version of reality that you interpret as true. It’s a biased thinking pattern that affects how you interpret yourself, other people, and the world around you.
Everyone has moments of wonky thinking. What is life if not a collection of subjective experiences that get all twirled together in our minds for better or worse, like salty, delicious mind pretzels? (…I’m hungry.)
But people with social anxiety disorder (SAD) can be practically drowning in distortions (me) and this affects their (our) well-being and mental health. And in the case of SAD, these distortions usually focus on our performance or what people think of us.
It’s like seeing yourself and the world through rose-tinted glasses, except less rose-tinted and more… judgy finger-pointing.
Knowledge is power and so are giggles
The point of learning about cognitive distortions is to begin recognizing them so that you can eventually challenge them.
There are plenty of Very Authoritative Articles providing clinical descriptions of cognitive distortions, and they are of course extremely valuable. But given that Very Authoritative Articles are generally not my jam (I prefer honey anyway) (with butter) (it’s heresy to have honey without butter), I decided to explain the distortions from the perspective of a person who often experiences them.
It is light-hearted (ish) because that’s how I like to approach things, but I don’t mean for it to sound like I’m taking serious matters lightly. I just need a little levity in my life when dealing with heavy topics like this.
The other note I’d like to make is that I wrote this list back when I was in therapy. I’ve come a long way since then in mastering my wonky thoughts.
Here is the list!
Cognitive distortions common to social anxiety
- Probability overestimation: A bad thing is likely to happen (except it’s not actually that likely).
- Catastrophizing: If a bad thing happens, it will be catastrophic. One bad thing will unleash a domino effect where each domino is laced with horror and despair until every one of us is devoured by the bloodthirsty jaws of inescapable death (credit for that exquisite turn of phrase goes to Moana’s grandma in this opening scene.)
- Mind reading: I know what you’re thinking about me, and it’s bad.
- Fortune telling: I have an invisible crystal ball that is telling me that this is going to end badly. (There’s some overlap with many of these.)
- Personalization: Whatever it is, whenever it happened, if it was bad, it was my fault.
- Minimizing the positives: This is the “yeah, but” distortion. If you call me brave, I will say (in my mind), “Yeah, but you only think that because [you don’t know me that well/I’m medicated/you’re trying to make me feel better].”
- Discounting coping skills: If something bad or hard happens (and it will), I won’t be able to handle it.
- Should statements: One of our group therapists called this “shoulding all over yourself.” I should be better at this. I shouldn’t need so much help or time. I should never be a bother to anyone. [I am the queen of shoulding all over myself. I’m SO full of should, you don’t even know.] Applies to “must” and “must not” statements too.
- All-or-nothing/black-and-white thinking: Letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. If I don’t hit a personal best on deadlifts today, everyone will think I slacked on training and it will just prove to them that I am lazy and undisciplined.
- Selective attention and memory: Noticing and remembering the negative more than the positive. That one temper tantrum this morning means that my kids are miserable with me as a mother and I am not doing a good enough job. (Never mind that our kids are happy, healthy, and loved.)
Such progress I’ve made, though
I used to think I really could read minds, and it never occurred to me that my interpretations might actually be wrong. That sounds arrogant until you consider that all my interpretations about myself were negative.
I also used to think that my social anxiety “quirks” made me unlovable and “bad.” But when I saw the others in my CBT group express those same thoughts and behaviours, it did not seem bad or ugly. It made me feel great empathy for them.
Over time, I’ve learned to extend that same empathy toward myself. And laugh a little at myself, too, but not meanly.
For the longest time, I had this weird feeling of not really “living” my life. I called it living a meta-life. I judged myself and imagined others judging me rather than actually being able to engage in the moment.
This sensation has become less intense over time, and I do think a lot of that is thanks to learning not to trust every knee-jerk thought and reaction I have.
Can I be a little sappy for a sec?
I found this scrawled in my therapy notes, and thought I would share it because it reminds me of how much I was learning, even in those early stages of treatment:
“Black-and-white thinking is setting yourself up for failure. Learn to tolerate uncertainty and imperfection, and you’ll unlock a whole world of colour.”
Happy Friday you guys.
I really need a snack now.