You (Yes, You) Are Beautiful

Have you heard of the Best Friend Technique for challenging and re-framing toxic thoughts? It’s a way of shutting down your inner bully by asking you to imagine what you would say if you were talking to your best friend instead of yourself.

Many of us are so much more loving and compassionate to our friends—even to strangers—than we are to ourselves.

I try to remember the best friend technique when I’m thinking about my body in an anxious or negative way.

What would I say to you, the person taking time out of your day to read this post? If I heard you tearing yourself down because of how you look, what would I want you to hear?

I would tell you that you are beautiful, and that the word beautiful is a lot bigger than the narrow definition we often give it. That your imperfect body is okay. Good enough.

I would tell you that, no, it’s not necessarily “bad” to want to lose a few pounds or many, or to make dietary changes or other healthy lifestyle tweaks. But your measurements do not determine your worth as a person.

And whatever “weird” thing your body does that you think makes you unattractive somehow? I’m SURE your body isn’t the only one that does that thing.

We’re all a lot less weird and alone than we think. The parts you dislike are not actually all that dislikeable from the outside. Stretch marks and cellulite. Acne and scars. Frizzy hair. Flat hair. Big nose. Small nose. Short toes. “Thin.” “Curvy.” Short. Tall. Old. Young.

These words… they are just words. They are not synonyms for who you are.

Other people do not see you the way you see yourself.

You are so much more than the individual parts you dislike. And if the sum of those parts translates in your mind to a number on the scale, then you are worth MORE than that number, not less.

If we’re waiting for the “perfect” body to accept ourselves… we’ll be waiting forever.

What would you say to your best friend, if they were cutting themselves down about their appearance? Can you say those things to yourself?

Don’t worry. I’m still working on getting there, too.

18 thoughts on “You (Yes, You) Are Beautiful

  1. Useful idea. Thanks.
    People used this body in ways that met their needs and harmed us. It has been a challenge to accept this body or be in it for many years. We are trying a sort of reunion. Dancing is fun. Painted toes are fun cuz we can see them. Trying to make peace. Be a friend to us. You’re right. We’re okay

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This makes me think of Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. In it he mentions that if his wife is getting dressed up and he thinks her outfit doesn’t look good on her, he feels that he needs to be honest and tell her. I think she needs to find a different best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have heard of that book but didn’t know that part of it! Eee. Was it in the context of super gentle super constructive super solicited feedback? If not then maybe he needs to mind his own business about what she wears. Tell her she has spinach in her teeth, sure, but don’t micromanage her wardrobe if she doesn’t ask for input….. I got a little riled up there apparently.

      Liked by 1 person

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