Duvet and pillow.
Big spoon, little spoon.
a car crash a plane crash a train crash a house fire a cliff Niagara Falls choking leukemia–
STOP. Stop. Stop.
drowning freezing did I lock the door house fire oh god their terrified faces their tortured screams I want to tear my brain out break-in will they need therapy someday not good enough bullying body shaming what if they grow into serial killers what if I pass on my anxiety are all character flaws hereditary
Breathe. Take a deep–
don’t bother I should have said no I should have said yes I should have done the laundry I shouldn’t have had dessert why am I so disorganized why am I so anxious am I teaching healthy eating habits will she hate her body too one day how can I spare them from this if I don’t sleep I’ll be so tired tomorrow mom called these thoughts worms in the head and my worms are demons of the night and they just won’t stop and when I close my eyes all I see are all the ways my babies could be destroyed by this world make it stop by me make it stop by my worries make it
STOP. Exhausted. Sleep.